I've been neglecting you because I'm ashamed. I can't get my eating under check. I'm trying. If anything August is a new month and with new months comes new motivation. I want to be worthy of your comments and support, right now I'm just a fat cow who can't stop.
But it ends right now. I put myself a bowl of cheerios to munch on and I'm not going to eat them. Tomorrow I will do my best to keep it under 700. That's still a high number for me but I guess baby steps. August 1 marks a 3 day fast and the start of the 10 Day Challenge. I just have to ease into it and hope that I can lose what I've gained back in record time. Once school starts fasting will be so simple, but for now I have to work on my discipline.
I can do this. WE can do this. It will all be worth it in the end.
I miss all my Angels,
Charlie
Wednesday 27 July 2011
Monday 18 July 2011
We Have to Stop Meeting Like This....
Aha so, sorry for disappearing AGAIN. Here's the catch up as quick as I can:
First off, was barred from signing up for my second year courses because my transfer credits from Theatre School have STILL not been entered into the system and I now have too few credits to be second year. Despite the fact that i sent them not one, not two, but THREE transcripts last summer. Three. Fucking. Transcripts. The third one I physically handed to the admissions woman so there is no excuse. I've now handed in a fourth one and... still nothing. It's not the end of the world taking a general one or two course year in fact it actually might be best for me to try and get my anxiety disorder in check but I do not want to spend an extra year in school mother fuckers.
Anxiety level: High
Next thing I know I am two weeks late. Possibly preggers. Oh my god what do I do? Potential baby daddy's consist of this cute British guy who left for a month long expedition (Welcome home, let's have a child together) and some rando at a bar.
Anxiety level: Intense
So I get my period and life is good. British boy comes home and we're hanging out. Things are looking good finally. But there's that school thing. I can't handle uncertainty like this. I am freaking out. And when I freak out I lose control of my fasting and restricting. I binge. And binge. And binge. Chicken burgers with hot sauce become my reason to exist, but also my nemesis. They balloon me back up to 117lbs.
Anxiety level: Somebody kill me I can't handle life.
But all of that is cool now. Yoga is my savior and work is my safe heaven. Can't eat there! I've been fasting the weekend away and will continue until I go out for dinner with British Boy tomorrow night. Back to 115 which is better, but when I think of how close I was to 109 a month ago it makes me sick. So I've got two back to back Hot Yoga classes to look forward to tonight and afterwards I'll be so tired I can collapse in bed and live off water and air.
Can I lose 6lbs by August? Of course I can, anything is possible if you watch enough infomercials!
Let's get it together and fast until we see bones Angels,
Charlie xoxo
First off, was barred from signing up for my second year courses because my transfer credits from Theatre School have STILL not been entered into the system and I now have too few credits to be second year. Despite the fact that i sent them not one, not two, but THREE transcripts last summer. Three. Fucking. Transcripts. The third one I physically handed to the admissions woman so there is no excuse. I've now handed in a fourth one and... still nothing. It's not the end of the world taking a general one or two course year in fact it actually might be best for me to try and get my anxiety disorder in check but I do not want to spend an extra year in school mother fuckers.
Anxiety level: High
Next thing I know I am two weeks late. Possibly preggers. Oh my god what do I do? Potential baby daddy's consist of this cute British guy who left for a month long expedition (Welcome home, let's have a child together) and some rando at a bar.
Anxiety level: Intense
So I get my period and life is good. British boy comes home and we're hanging out. Things are looking good finally. But there's that school thing. I can't handle uncertainty like this. I am freaking out. And when I freak out I lose control of my fasting and restricting. I binge. And binge. And binge. Chicken burgers with hot sauce become my reason to exist, but also my nemesis. They balloon me back up to 117lbs.
Anxiety level: Somebody kill me I can't handle life.
But all of that is cool now. Yoga is my savior and work is my safe heaven. Can't eat there! I've been fasting the weekend away and will continue until I go out for dinner with British Boy tomorrow night. Back to 115 which is better, but when I think of how close I was to 109 a month ago it makes me sick. So I've got two back to back Hot Yoga classes to look forward to tonight and afterwards I'll be so tired I can collapse in bed and live off water and air.
Can I lose 6lbs by August? Of course I can, anything is possible if you watch enough infomercials!
Let's get it together and fast until we see bones Angels,
Charlie xoxo
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