I've been absent for a few months now because I've been struggling with the ethics behind this blog. I felt as though I might be glamourizing EDs and encouraging others to try crash diets, so I'll use this post to clear anything up.
1. Crash Diets are dangerous.
Yes, fasting for 3 days is a quick way to drop a few pounds, but they're also incredibly bad for you. Especially when you yo-yo between fasting and eating normally. You can do serious damage to your kidneys and digestive system. It may seem hypocritical for me to discourage them, but let me explain in my next point.
2. Eating Disorders are not a conscious choice nor are they a way of life.
You can not develop them by reading my blog, I in no way want to give the impression that I'd like you to develop one. Please, please, if you're trying to lose weight do it PROPERLY. However, there will be those of you who start healthy and then spiral into the craziness of Ana. There are those who think that Ana is a lifestyle, but those people are delusional. It's a mental disease, and one with a high mortality rate. You will not develop anorexia because you want to or because you think it's the best way to lose weight, eating disorders are much more complex than that. Mine stems from an anxiety disorder and poor coping mechanisms.
3. The purpose of this blog is to both give me an outlet to express what I can't in real life as well as to give a realistic view into what an ED is really like.
There will be times I post as if I adore this disease, because in truth there are times when I do. I am not trying to glamourize them, but I will not lie about the way I feel. I LOVE the feeling at the end of a fast, but I also spiral into extreme depression when I fail one. You'll likely see more of the feel good posts but rest assured they are short lived. You're never thin enough, you've never fasted enough. That pickle you ate was too much, you shouldn't be drinking cranberry juice, why did you put sugar in your tea. Those are the thoughts attached to every single one of my "successes". Today I've eaten nothing but half a pickle and I'm ashamed at myself for even that small amount.
With all that being said I do think I'll be returning to this blog. I need a place where I can post candidly about Ana, without fear of repercussions. That's what this is to me. If it in any way helps you cope with your ED, or even if it just gives you a quick laugh between classes then that's wonderful as well. Avoid it if you find it triggering, but also use it when you think you're alone out there in your struggle. My email is always open to my Angels, so if there's something you need help with, or even something you'd like to vent about but are not comfortable posting publicly about, drop me an email.
Anyways, for those wondering I'm still at 112lbs, which is a fucking miracle considering I've been eating disgustingly this first month of school. Over now, back to fasting. 102 is not that far off :)
Oh and I'm also quite vulgar ;)
Charlie
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