10 Day Challenge
Intake: 20p
Water: 20p
Exercise: 20p
Sleep: 20p
Total: 80p :)
SW: 119
CW: 118
UGH. Where did this pound come from. Whatever. At least it's not 119. I don't want to eat tomorrow. At all. But I will, just the one day then liquid fast until brunch at my Baba's(grandmother i do not live with) on Sunday.
Maybe the reason this is so difficult is because it's all muscle? That makes sense right? I mean, I was a competitive dancer for almost 14 years so clearly I do have some of that. But there's this layer of pure FAT on top of it. Disgusting, cottage cheese, fat. Go away.
I ran for an hour today, it was awesome. Then I did an hour of arms and a half hour of legs and abs. I felt so dizzy afterwards I had to lie flat on my stomach for a few hours. My mom came home and was worried I was sick again, but once again not a word about not eating dinner. She made pasta with tomato sauce and oh my gosh it smells good. But I'm 1-fucking-18. Not a chance. I shouldn't even consider eating until that goes back down, my body has enough fucking fat to eat away at. Go do that if you're hungry and stop growling at me.
On the bright side, America's Next Top Model is on. I live for this show. Ultimate thinspo. I want that so badly. I want that thin, I need that thin. It's all I think about all day. I'm going up North for a week in July and I damn well better be at LEAST 110. Is that so much to ask for?
In my wildest dreams I hit the cottage at 105. Everyone comments on how thin I am. They ask me what my secret is and I smile and lie. "Just eating right and exercising more!" Yeah, right. When I want to eat I put on my bikini and stare in the mirror at the horridness.
How the fuck can you be hungry with that looking back at you?
Ana's right. She's always right. I think I might do a before and after type thing. Just... don't cringe at me okay Angels? I'm working really hard. Soon I will be your thinspo, I promise. But for now I'm just fatty fat me...
Resist, Restrict, and Resist again Angels,
Charlie
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