It's not that I'm eating a lot, I'm restricting quite well. My original idea was to restrict all this week and see what happens, maybe even try and throw my body off but it's not working. 117. 117. 117. It's huge, like my thighs. I need to stop eating, I need to fast. Why has fasting suddenly become impossible? I don't know what to do, I feel like I'm losing control and I'm getting fat. Fat fat fat fat fat. Ew. I hate everything in the mirror; my huge thighs are the latest target of my hatred. They're so hideous and covered in cellulite, which my friend says are stretch marks but my mom says is cellulite. Guess who I believe.
Cut the self-indulgent bullshit, nobody cares.
Have I mentioned Ana won't shut up? She's seriously pissed off at my weakness. Fair enough, I've not been good to her. I'm sorry Ana.
Anyways, I'm watching 16 and Pregnant which ironically is now focusing on an anorexic pregnant girl. It's got me thinking; if I found out I was pregnant tomorrow would I stop restricting and fasting for the baby? Would I even be able to? Would I see a pregnant stomach or a fat one? These sorts of questions are easy for most people, but then again most people don't have Ana picking the fat off your bones.
I feel for this girl.
"If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, blah blah blah"
Struggling is most definitely the word. You haven't fasted in weeks. You don't have an eating disorder, you're too fat. You probably just want some attention. You're pathetic.
I'm sorry, I'm trying, my dog ate it.
I hope your days are going better Angels,
Charlie
P.S. I want to take this time to shout out to Ariana, whose comments always cheer me up. Just want you to know how much your support means to me, sending you extra skinnies because if anyone deserves it, it's you.
Aww...thank you so very much! (*^.^*).
ReplyDeleteI haven't fasted in so long either- I can feel my motivation slipping sometimes: like eating more, eating bad foods, exercising less- and that usually means it's time for another fast. Fasting always makes you feel better- it helps you get back on track with everything.
You know, the cellulite thing made me think of a time when I was watching ANTM. Tyra commented about cellulite on thighs and how most models have that, they just pose in a way that doesn't show it (or they photoshop it out later). I think the "C" word is something all women have unfortunately :/
You made a good point there- if Ifound out I was pregnant, would that change anything? It's hard to say- sure, I'm not underweight or anything (yet, but I'm working on it), but I do have those periods of fasting-binging-exercising-fasting-binging-repeat. I wish I could just fast and exercise, then I would be so much happier! But what if I was pregnant- I wouldn't be able to do those things & women gain a lot of weight during pregnancy, and I don't know if I could handle gaining 20-30-even 50 pounds! That would be something difficule to deal with...
Take care & I hope you start feeling better- try and stay positive no matter what direction life goes in! ♥