Be proud Angels, I've fasted well today. I feel so light and empty and free and wonderful! Oh how I've missed the 3-day fast. I've forgotten how glorious it feels to go to sleep feeling hungry. I know we all love being hungry but do any of you truly enjoy the feeling of hunger? It's so strange but I adore the bubbly-growly feeling you get when you're hungry. Once I feel it I can fast for days because I love it so much. I feel it now and already my stress levels are lower. This is why I love Ana; my entire life is spiralling out of control but she's always there keeping things in check.
I suppose now's a good a time as any to introduce you to my crazy family. I live with my mom, my brother, and my grandmother. My father died years ago, leaving me with my psychotic mother whom you'll surely hear loads more about. She's crazy. And vicious. You have no idea how horrible this woman is, this one time I had just finished an incredible 5 day fast and I had rewarded myself with one chocolate bar. Obviously if I have chocolate I can't have dinner, too many calories! I fed her some bullshit excuse about my stomach hurting and instead of being concerned she notices the wrapper in the garbage and say, I kid you the fuck not, "Your stomach probably hurts because you're snacking too much." What the fuck. How, just... how. I haven't eaten chocolate since so I guess I should thank her. Anyways, she's gone a little off the deep end in the last year or two with her wine drinking. She drinks it all night then passes out on the couch. I generally keep to my room once she's dipped into the vino - again, great way to stick with Ana - because she either gets really annoying or picks fights with you. Horrible, mean, pick at whatever is left on your bones fights. My brother and I actually get along really well, it's weird. And my grandmother is the sweetest woman on the planet so no problems there. It's just that crazy bitch. She noticed I didn't eat today, and she yelled at me because "Who the hell do I cook for, then?" Lovely set of priorities she has.
Good night, Angels, and what a good night it is,
Charlie
If you ever need to talk about your psycho mom, I'm here for you. I know what it's like to have batty parents. -3-
ReplyDeleteHugs and love. <3 -Mae
Great job on your fast so far! I can't wait until I get to the point you're at, the point where I love the feeling of hunger. I try to avoid it by feeling up on coffee, tea, or worse...food. I think losing weight would be so much easier if we just learn to love the feeling of hunger! I live with my mom and gradma too =). That's really rude what your mom said to you about the chocolate bar- she obviously doesn't pay much attention to what you eat (which I guess could be a good thing).
ReplyDelete♥
growing up, my mother was a lot like that, except she went overboard on the pain meds and ended up a paranoid schizo.
ReplyDeleteand i'm close with my brother, too.
our family may not be stable, we have ways of compensating for that, don't we? :)
looks like we have something in common!
your fasting inspires me so much, dear. i really enjoy reading.
be strong
xoxo